South London woman with ‘chaotic’ love life bumps into 8 exes in one week and gets pregnant despite having coil fitted

Emily Cass created a hilarious round-up of her disastrous year in dating

A woman from South London has shared a hilarious “tragic” Spotify Wrapped style summary of her year of dating – including failed birth control, a fling with her best friend and holiday romances.

Emily Cass, 24, from Lambeth, revealed the highs and lows of her chaotic dating life in 2022. She mimicked the Spotify Wrapped marketing campaign – but instead of a compilation of data about music habits, she made it about her love life exploits for the year.

It started with a semi-serious ‘situationship’ and ended with her booking flights to Sydney to get away from it all. The South Londoner revealed she bumped into eight of her ex-flames in one week in June 2022. She admitted she issued each lovers with a pretend P45 – usually used to denote termination of employment – when she finished with them…. including her STI results.

Her other dating highlights included getting pregnant despite having the coil fitted, sleeping with a close friend on multiple occasions and not catching any STIs. Her 2022 had two flings abroad – and getting done over by both – going on five new dates and developing feelings for someone who wasn’t emotionally available.

The voice actor revealed she only cried over three men in the year of 2022. She said 50% of her dates ended things mutually, 33% were ended by Emily and 17% were ended by the other party. Emily said: “I don’t have a type, I go for personality.

“I go for free-spirited and chaotic men and I think that’s why it never ends well. I was dating someone at the end of 2021 and he wanted something more serious because he’s six years older than me. Then I had the disaster where my coil failed – it was all a bit traumatic and my body went into shock.”

She decided to call it quits with all men in April – which lasted until May. Emily added: “I decided to go on a couple of dates after that. One was off Hinge and said ‘you’re a voice actor, does that mean you’re good with your mouth?”

Emily revealed an old flame tried to slide into her DMs with ‘wanna f***’ messages and another with a message reading: ‘Guess who it is’ and a side eye emoji. “I went on a good date with someone I met on Thursday, we had a really good time at their cocktail club singles event,” she said. “We saw each other for about four weeks and then he told me I had attachment issues and that he was seeing someone else.”

One week in June 2022 she bumped into eight ex-flames in one week, one was on the bus, another was walking hand-in-hand with his girlfriend down the street, one was in a queue for the club, another was on the Tube and one drove past and waved.

At the end of July 2022, Emily ran away for seven weeks to Mexico and then Costa Rica. She had three holiday hostel romances – one was a positive experience but two followed the same tragic fate.

She added: “I arrived in Cancun and spent two days with this one guy, I got to his dorm and he was necking another girl in front of me.” Emily did have one positive experience in Mexico with a man she met in the stairway of the hostel.

“In Costa Rica I met someone and they did exactly the same thing – we went to the club together and he was necking on with another girl in front of me.”

She revealed as one of her romantic lows that she fell asleep whilst getting frisky with a mystery man in a hammock on her travels. Another man she met on her travels returned home before she did and he stayed in touch for the whole seven weeks.

Emily said: “I didn’t want to waste my time texting someone for seven weeks when I was travelling but he said he wanted to meet up in London when I was back. I text him when I was back and he said he didn’t want to meet up.”

Emily met a potential match at the end of September 2022 but he didn’t want anything serious. She said: “We met out and about and I felt we were a compatible match, we have similar jobs and lifestyles and are both completely chaotic. We were going out on dates and seeing each other a lot.”

Emily continued: “I mentioned the fact we were dating, but he said we weren’t dating and he completely changed his tune within eight hours.”

In November, Emily visited Stockholm, Sweden for the weekend on her own and was stopped by a random man in the street who invited her for a candlelit dinner. She said: “It was so random, he took me for a candlelit dinner and people were giving us shots. We then ended up in his hotel room which was an upgrade from the hammock.”

Emily responsibly ends all her romances with a p45 delivered to their inbox – of her STI results. “I send them a p45 once I’m finished with them, it says ‘thank you for your recent endeavours with EC limited, please see attached your p45- and it’s my STI results,” added Emily.

The 24-year-old is set to travel to Sydney in two weeks and will go onto Rio De Janeiro. She said: “At the end of 2022, I know what I want now and I don’t have to take s***. I’m sure I’ll return home with lots more stories to tell.”

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