Not everyone has a healthy and strong relationship with their mothers. Especially if a mother is controlling, overcritical of everything her child does, says mean things more often, and doesn’t empathize with your feelings and needs – it’s safe to say that she is a narcissist.
Narcissistic moms often make their children feel like they are too much or too less and don’t appreciate them for what they really are. They would intentionally or unintentionally seek attention from people around them all the time and won’t pay heed to their children’s feelings. They are more judgmental than kind and manipulate their kids into thinking they are the problem.
Here are a few examples of things a narcissistic mother might say to her children:
I Do So Much For You, But You Never Appreciate Me
Instead of being appreciative of you, a selfish mum would expect you to be more grateful for everything she does. She won’t clap for you or urge you to do better by her words or actions, but she will make sure to make you realize that you are an ungrateful child even if all you do is demand a few words of appreciation from her and a pat on the back.
You Should Try Being More Like That Person
A narcissistic mother never lets you be who you are and constantly compares you and your achievements with others. She would even belittle you for not scoring more marks than your friend or would urge you to stop being yourself and try to become someone she likes better than you.
Stop Being So Over-Sensitive
Instead of empathizing with your feelings and needs, a self-centered mother would ask you to get over yourself, grow up and stop making a big deal out of everything sometimes without even realizing that it’s not you who is over-sensitive. It’s basically her action and words that hurt you and she won’t even care.
It’s Not That Big A Deal; You’re Crazy
A narcissistic mother would blame everything on you and call you crazy if you dared confront her for her toxic behavior and hold her accountable. She would not deal with a situation like a mature and kind person, but instead, she would counterattack with accusations and blame you for pushing her to her limits.
You’ll Be Sorry When I’m Gone
One of the favorite things of every toxic parent is guilt-tripping their children into thinking they are outdoing themselves for their sake, and they never appreciate or thank them for being the best parents ever. A narcissistic mom would also use the parent card with you whenever there is a problem and would manipulate you by saying that you have made her life hell and you will be sorry when you won’t be around anymore.
I’m Telling You This Is For Your Own Good
A narcissistic mother could go to any lengths to control you and might even destroy your relationship with the ones you feel yourself with, like your partner. And after sabotaging your relationship, she would always say that whatever she does is for your own benefit and you will thank her later.
Additional things that narcissistic mothers may say to their children:
1. You’re too sensitive.
This is a common way for narcissistic mothers to dismiss their children’s feelings. They may say this when their children express any emotion that the mother doesn’t approve of, such as sadness, anger, or fear.
2. You’re just like your father/mother.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to make their children feel bad about themselves. They may say this if their children have a trait that the mother doesn’t like or if they remind the mother of their ex-partner.
3. You’re never going to amount to anything.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to undermine their children’s self-esteem. They may say this if their children are not achieving the goals that the mother has set for them or if they are simply not living up to the mother’s expectations.
4. You’re so lucky to have me as your mother.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to make their children feel grateful for them, even if they are not treating them well. They may say this when they are doing something for their children or when they are comparing themselves to other mothers.
5. I’m only doing this because I love you.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to justify their controlling and manipulative behavior. They may say this when they are criticizing their children or when they are trying to get their children to do something that they don’t want to do.
6. You’re making me look bad.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to make their children feel guilty for their actions. They may say this when their children are not behaving in a way the mother approves of or when they are drawing attention away from the mother.
7. You’re so selfish.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to make their children feel guilty for having their own needs and wants. They may say this when their children are not putting the mother’s needs first or asking for something that the mother doesn’t want to give them.
8. You’re so ungrateful.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to make their children feel guilty for not appreciating all the mother has done for them. They may say this when their children are not thanking the mother for something or complaining about something the mother has done for them.
9. You’re never going to be as good as me.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to put their children down and make them feel inferior. They may say this when their children are trying to achieve something, or when they are simply comparing themselves to the mother.
10. I’m the only one who loves you.
This is a way for narcissistic mothers to make their children feel dependent. They may say this when their children are trying to distance themselves from the mother or when they are trying to form relationships with other people.
Narcissistic mothers often use words and phrases to control, manipulate, and put down their children. These words can be hurtful and damaging, and they can have a lasting impact on a child’s self-esteem and sense of worth.
Some common things that narcissistic mothers say to their children include:
- You’re too sensitive. This is a way of dismissing a child’s feelings and making them feel like they’re not allowed to have emotions.
- You’re never good enough. This is a way of putting a child down and making them feel like they can never measure up.
- You’re just like your father/mother. This is a way of blaming the child for their parent’s flaws, and it can make the child feel like they’re not good enough.
- I do so much for you, and you never appreciate it. This is a way of guilt-tripping the child and making them feel like they owe their mother everything.
- You’ll never amount to anything. This is a way of destroying the child’s self-esteem and making them feel like they’re not capable of achieving anything.
- You’re a burden to me. This is a way of making the child feel like they’re a burden to their mother, and it can make the child feel unwanted and unloved.
These are just a few examples of the everyday things that narcissistic mothers say to their children. If you’re a child of a narcissistic mother, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Many people understand what you’re going through, and there are resources available to help you cope with the emotional abuse.
If you’re struggling to deal with the words of a narcissistic mother, here are a few tips:
- Don’t take her words personally. Remember that her words are a reflection of her own insecurities, not yours.
- Try to stay calm and assertive. It can be difficult to stay calm when someone is being hurtful, but it’s important to try. If you can stay calm, you’ll be better able to set boundaries and protect yourself from her words.
- Seek support from others. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or counselor. They can help you understand what you’re going through and offer support.
- Remember, you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. If you’re struggling, please reach out for help.
The words that narcissistic mothers say to their children can impact their self-esteem and ability to form healthy relationships. If you are a child of a narcissistic mother, it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you heal from the emotional abuse that you have experienced.